Last night a friend called me out.
I’ve been working really hard towards a goal and I said, I don’t know if I’m going to make it. She said, You’ll make it if you really want it. That made me stop. I really wanted it, didn’t I?
Then I thought about the niggling thoughts in the back of my head. The ones that said, It would be so much easier to give up. I wouldn’t have to work so hard. I could spend more time with my family.
I realized that even though I’d been working towards my goal, walking my path, there was a part of me that didn’t want it. I felt the conflict. My unclarity felt like an energetic anchor holding me back.
And so now I am tuning inwards more deeply than I ever have before. Is this what I want? If so, I need to throw myself in 100%. No escape plan. No Plan B. All chips in. 100%. All in.
Because I know the way I show up in one area of my life is the way I show up in other areas of my life, this started deep inquiry for me…
Where in my life am I not 100% in?
Where am I working hard to move forward but subconsciously holding myself back?
The thing is, anything really amazing that we want to create in our lives will have a difficult point. I like to think of it like childbirth. There’s a point when you hit transition and that part really sucks. During that point, I have to know 100% I want to move forward or I will want to give up. When I hit transition in childbirth, I had the baby to look forward to (and he was coming no matter what). Its the same with any goal. I need to find a place within myself that pushes when it’s inconvenient, exhausting, or terrifying. When I feel like I’m in the middle of the chaos…
Some part of me worries that I don’t have it in me. That I was made without that extra uuumph to stick it out.
What is really true is that I must have a deep why. There has to be a reason that moves me, that will hold me on course. Feelings come and go. There are days I wake up and I don’t want to answer emails. I don’t want to jump on calls with clients. I want to sleep or paint. But what keeps me moving forward is my vision… The vision I have for women to awaken their hearts and spirits through creativity. They let loose, have fun. Their husbands or partners are happy. The kids are happy. Their job performance goes up. They make more money. And they’re happier. I focus on those people. That’s what gets me up when I want to stop.
So I’m wondering… Are you all in?
Leave a comment below and let me know what’s your deep why? Where are you 100% in and where do you hold back?